They Tell You It's All a Joke

 i was thinking about that movie with michael douglas, 'the game' and a sudden spark of isnpiration hit me...


rather than a brief adventure, like in the movie, this toture last a lifetime.



imagine if, starting in some indeterminate year of your life, things started gradually going downhill for you and as each week passes your life became afflicted with a series of misfortunate events one worse than the other. you lose your job, your girlfriend leaves, your freinds and family betray you, you cant afford rent,you are forced to borrow money, you cant afford medical bills and your health worsnes. then you get depressed and decide on the fifth anniversary since the troubles began , you cant take it any longer and you want to jump off a building. you jump off, but as you fall to the ground instead of hitting the ground, you feel a a soft billowing safety net uderneath you, catching you. you stand up and see you are surrounded by friends and family, all people who you thought betrayed you or didnt care about you- they say-... look it was not real! all that you suffered was merely a joke played by us, it was all created, it was merely a game tht we played to make you tougher or test your will to live.  would you feel thankful that it wa over or wouldnt you feel eternal hatred that you were put under such circumstances merely for someone elses entertainment? woulnd tyou despise them for it?


now apply the same scenario to eheaven. what if after a WHOLE life of struggle and suffering you end up at the gates of heaven and st peter tells you that all that struggle ws reall for nothing, that it was merely a test to see if you were the right candidate for heaven, or for gods entertainment. wouldnt you feel disgusted by this supposed "justice" that was played out before your eyes? wouldnt you feel tempted to reject heaven, to spit in gods face?


thats why having only one life - this one. makes more sense to me. why do you want to live for some afterlife, why do you want to preserve yourself, life for the future? you should appreciate all that happens now, for what it is worth- even to the point of wanting it to happen again, and agian, and again. the beauty of life is in its transience, the struggles themselves are worth living for - as much as we deny it in the moments they occur.


and i end this meditation with the infamous passage from nietzsche's 'gay science'...


"What if some day or night a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness, and say to you, "This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more; and there will be nothing new in it, but every pain and every joy and every thought and sigh and everything unutterably small or great in your life will have to return to you, all in the same succession and sequence ... Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus? Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment when you would have answered him: "You are a god and never have I heard anything more divine". If this thought gained power over you, as you are it would transform and possibly crush you; the question in each and every thing, 'Do you want this again and innumerable times again?' would lie on your actions as the heaviest weight! Or how well disposed would you have to become to yourself and to life to long for nothing more fervently than  for this ultimate eternal confirmation and seal?


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